integrating theory--dialogue
15 years ago
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Relational Dialectics
Chapter 12 is about Leslie Baxter and Barbara Montgomery's theory called relational dialectics. Relational dialectics is explained to be a tug-of-war that constantly happens in relationships. griffin says that, "relationships are always in flux; the only certainty is change."(Griffin p. 156). In all relationships we seek closeness and openness, but in those same relationships we also want some mystery. This keeps are relationships alive. I think the death of a relationship is when things start to become too boring and predictable. It's easy to fall into the same routine though, I noticed that for two months my weekends seemed to be like a formula that I followed. Friday would be dinner and a movie, Saturday would be spent shopping or dinner again, and Sunday would be spent on the couch. I started to crave something different. I wanted to be surprised by my boyfriend so things didn't feel like they were dying.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Great blog. I totally agree with you on the fact that relationships die when things get predictable. Relationships are supposed to open those involved to a wave of new things like activities, behaviors and things of that sort. When things become predictable, life becomes boring because surprise is one of the greatest elements of life, and we constantly need the allure of having something happen to us that is pretty much out of the norm.
I can also relate to you in terms of you spend your weekend. Ever since school started, I have spent my Friday afternoons at my friend's house playing video games and drinking beer, my Saturday mornings watching college football, my Saturday nights partying and my Sundays on the couch watching pro football. Without the element of surprise or just the effort to do things differently, we become accustomed to daily routines, albeit boring things.
I can relate to this chapter and what you had to say greatly. I have been together with my fiance for 5 years. At about the second year mark, we hit that "rut" stage; When everything started becomming a routine. Its hard not to for anyone once they have really gotten to know someone. In order to overcome our situation we had to try different things. We went out with our friends more, together and seperate. Took day trips, and talked to help us reconnect. It worked for us. About every 2 years in a relationship i think couples should evaluate their relationship and try new things.
I agree. I am more of the spontanious friend... and I think it is funny when friends of mine push back on this. It just proves the point of Dr. Baxter & Dr. Montgomery more.
When I spent 3 months in Oakland training at Wells Fargo, the group of students in my class always wanted to go to the caffeteria and order food and eat, and go back to the training site. Yes it was the cheapest way to go for lunch, but the lack of veriety was driving me crazy. I always wanted to walk around the city and find a new place to eat and experience.
Some of the other students would go with, but it was obvious, some of the other students were comfortable with their surroundings and didnt feel like taking that risk of getting uncomfortable in sake of a new experience with a friend.
Post a Comment